This is a realization I’ve dealt with before, actually. It’s not my first go-around with this idea, nor will it be my last, probably. Still – it’s a realization to which I’ve yet to figure out the answer. At times, it can be exciting to think of the possibilities. And yet, at other times, it’s a bit depressing to imagine the possibilities and see no movement forward. There’s no inbetween – it’s either shooting for those possibilities…or solidly staying in your current position.
My job title is Sales & Marketing Assistant. For the past five years, that’s what I’ve been – an Assistant. There are probably recent college graduates who, this year, will take a step above me in other jobs. And to say that I do much in the form of marketing is a stretch. My job (now) consists of going to pick up the mail – answering phones and covering for the secretary when needed – making copies – writing letters and emails – all of the things that a true Assistant does…but not a Marketing professional. I honestly could have saved my parents a huge amount of money by not even worrying about a college degree for the job I now have. And, in a meeting today where it was seemingly impossible to get past the feeling that everyone in the room felt they were a rank above me, this realization seized my mind.
But, what are my possibilites? I’m a thirty-year-old man – I have a beautiful, energetic daughter who lives close by – I have a wonderful, supportive man in my life who is also very close to his family – and I live in West Virginia. If it hasn’t already become quite obvious – my options tend to be heavily limilted.
My true aspiration has been to perform – on Broadway. Singing – dancing – acting…if anything, that is my dream. It’s not a secret. It’s not something I’m ashamed of. But – at this point in my life – it’s unrealistic. Even doing local shows can be unrealistic due to the time commitments that often come with them. On the flipside, I’m earning my Masters of Arts in Professional Counseling at the moment. Though this gives me another avenue to take my life – and will get me out of this god forsaken job I currently hold – this is far from a dream of mine. So, then…what?
The honest answer is – I have no idea. All I know is that there has to be something more than where I’m at now. There has to be something that will give me the unbridled joy I believe I’m searching for. There has to be something that will leave me with nothing less than excitement and anxiousness to start my day. And, when I find this possibility and latch onto it, I’m positive I will know, without a shadow of a doubt, that THIS is my realization…my ultimate possibility…my (dare I say it) calling.
Speaking of Broadway shows, I found it necessary to leave you with a quote from my new love, Spring Awakening. In the song titled “All That’s Known”, the lyric states…
“But I know –
There’s so much more to find –
Just in lookin’ through myself –
And not at them.”
Here’s to finding something more…