It has been almost one full year since I have last posted to this blog. I’m the worst. Regardless, I have the desire to start writing once again, so I’m going to – and you should keep reading.
Have I ever mentioned how horrible I am at making decisions? Well, if I haven’t, I suck at it. Making decisions makes me nervous. If other people are involved, I always have this fear that I’m going to make a decision they won’t like – so I try to pass the decision off and let them do what they want (whether I personally agree with that decision or not).
Him: “What do you want to do for dinner?”
Me: “I don’t know. You?” (even though I was thinking I could probably just do cereal and be happy – and I most certainly did *not* want to get up and go somewhere at that point in time.)
Him: “I could probably just fix a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or something.”
Me: “Yeah, that sounds perfect. I was thinking I could just do cereal.”
Don’t even ask. Even with the people I’m most comfortable around, I still have this problem of making a decision for the both of us. It’s a fault of mine.
This problem with making decisions has not been made easier over the past couple of months. I feel as if all I have done is make big, important, adult-like decisions that directly affect not only my life, but also the lives of others around me. I’ve been stressed. Over the past two/three months, I have decided to leave my position at Fairness West Virginia and come back to my previous employer in a new and improved position. I was then approached about taking another position and decided it just wasn’t in the cards for me at that time. I also decided to audition for a local musical production – got cast – and then decided to back out due to the intensity of the rehearsal schedule which would directly impact my time with my partner and the child. Decisions galore! And each one harder to make than the previous one.
Yet, as I look back over the past few months and realize the tough choices I’ve had to make, I’m comforted by knowing that each decision I’ve made has been the correct one for me and my family at this time. After much deliberation – talking with both the partner and the child – and weighing the pros and cons of each decision, I know that each path was well thought out and considered. It’s one thing to act on impulse – but this was far from it.
Granted, this feeling of contentment I have did not come without its share of fear or stress. Every decision has another side to it – the side that lets people down, possibly hurts others’ feelings, or just basically makes you feel like pooh.
But in the end, making a decision – and feeling good about the decision you have made – is a fantastic feeling! It makes you stronger. It makes you feel more confident in your own ability to follow your heart, even when it may be the most unpopular decision to make. It makes you closer to those around you as you work – together – to make sound choices.
I recently saw the new musical ‘If/Then’ in D.C. This musical focuses on the choices of the lead character – played by the amazing Idina Menzel – and how her life would be had she made each decision. It was such a neat context to see played out on stage. But, more than that, what it portrays to the audience is the importance of each and every decision that we make in our lives.
We obviously can’t predict the future (no matter what Miss Cleo may tell you) – but we can definitely learn from the past and make present-day decisions that will shape our future to be nothing short of amazing.
So – decide to be awesome.